I'm exhausted.

That's a sentence I've probably said at least twice daily for the past month and a half.  This is partly due to a mental dichotomy I've created.  
On the one hand I look at my life as objectively as possible.  I see myself as a upper-middle class guy who has a pretty idealistic life.  I live in one of the wealthiest cities in North America.  I can afford to go shopping, go out for dinner and treat myself.  I really don't have much to complain about.  
But, on the other side I am a full time student who is expected to be doing school work 24/7.  I have five courses and basically am reading a text book a week.  I need to balance my eating and physical / mental health, social life and online career (whatever that is exactly) with going to classes and assignments.  (plus I'm fucking sick right now so that doesn't help my mood >.< )

I've been thinking about this because I want to commit to posting videos and blogs regularly but I'm really not motivated right now.  Whatever free time I do get I spend just mindlessly watching Youtube videos or scrolling the internet or staring at blank walls and thinking about my existence.  I know I should be spending my time wisely. I should be using those free periods to get whatever stuff I need done, done.  But I just can't get myself to get up and do ... whatever it is I need to do.  It's not for a lack of mentally motivation.  Hypothetically I have a bunch of stuff I want to get done and that I know would better myself as a person.  That's just it though, its hypothetical.  It hasn't been done or created yet because I actually would need to get up and DO whatever it is that needs doing.  

That then started me thinking even more about if I'm expecting too much of myself.  Should I relax the standards I try and keep in favour of maybe more realistic expectations.  If I do that though, I feel like success would pass me by.  That I wouldn't get anywhere because I haven't done anything to start me on the path I see myself walking.  

I don't know if any of this made sense at all but Its something that's been on my mind recently and I wanted to just get it out and talk about it.

I would love to hear about your experiences and if you feel something similar.  I want to know I'm not that crazy.

I'm going to try and film a video tomorrow, but because I didn't bring my camera setup with me I'm going to attempt to shoot it on my iPhone...

We'll see how that goes.

G-