I know I haven't posted in ages blah blah blah
There really isn't a reason for that other than I had stomach parasites (long story), graduated university and immediately fell into a full-time retail job which has been slowly sapping the life-force from my body...

Well anyway.

Recently, i've been thinking a lot on the idea of loneliness.  
On being truly comfortable with being alone.
Because most of the time I am content in my own company.  For the vast majority of my university experience I lived by myself, only living with roommates for the final year of my undergrad.  Living by yourself is honestly super challenging at first; it's well... very lonely.  But, I truly believe that there is no better way to come to a self-actualized understanding of who you are as an individual.  Recently however I've found myself bouncing back and forth from this pleasant solitude to a painful apathy so, if you'll allow me to brain-vomit, I want to try and unpack why; and more importantly what I might be able to do about it.  

This tangental thought spiral recently escalated as this summer has been the longest amount of time I've spent home in Victoria since graduating high school at the age of eighteen.  Ever since then I haven't spent more than a week or two at a time on the island. 
So, as you might imagine being back full time has been a bit disconcerting.  
Reflecting on my situation I see that, understandably, a lot has changed since I moved away from home for the first time:  
I've traveled the world, or some parts of it,
I graduated University,
I've established solid friend groups spanning several different cities.
Just, none of them live here anymore.  So on quite a literal level I am by myself in Victoria.

Now, my stay here is by no means permanent.  I move to Cardiff at the end of August but this time has just highlighted this weird creative / personal purgatory I find myself in.  Because in my view nothing really happens in Victoria, at least nothing useful for my personal or professional development.  Not being a creative hub or national / international leader in much this is just a city filled with people working and living their lives; which is totally fine.  There is no problem with that.
Like I said I think it's more just a personal problem.  
The industry I want to be a part of is so dependant on collaboration that I find myself creatively blocked.  

But anyway I digress.  My main point I think is this.  As someone who has been trained from a young age not to "waste time" I find myself with an abundance of free, unstructured blocks of it.  Safe for once from school work or any other omnipresent obligation, I have absolutely no idea what to do with myself.  Especially in this city I very much feel I've outgrown.
It's going to be a rather difficult task but to truly appreciate the little bit of free time I do have I will need to unlearn a lifelong habit of "not wanting to waste time."   

Did any of this make sense?  Probably not but let me know your thoughts on this as I'm really curious on how others view the concept of "wasted time."