A Rant on Relationships

So, I’ve always seemed to use this platform as a way of processing through things happening in my personal life (among other topics which are probably more fun.) Well, a lot has been going on within the past couple of weeks so if you’ll allow me, I’m going to elaborate somewhat.
Even if you don’t this is my blog so you haven’t really got a choice.

I’ve found that this is a rather stressful time in my life; partly because of my university course. Having literally just finished my undergrad this past May I’d say I’m used to a certain level of academic pressure. Although this isn’t extraordinarily different I’m definitely starting to feel the workload of a masters program. For the most part though I’m finding everything I’m studying rather interesting so I can’t really complain too much.

No, what’s really been on my mind the last week or two has been a guy. See, as sad as it is to admit looking back at my dating history I can’t say I’ve ever really been in a stable “healthy” relationship. Either the other person has been emotionally off-balance or I’ve not been in the proper headspace (well more likely a mix of the two). I’m not saying all of my relationships have been strictly negative experiences.
No, it’s just that I’ve noticed a pattern emerge over the years.
And yeah, I’m kind of tired of it all. I feel like I’m finally ready and deserving of a happy, stable relationship. One where my boyfriend like, surprises me with flowers or dresses up with me on halloween and it doesn’t constantly feel like an emotional sword of Damocles is hanging over either of our heads. I feel like successful relationships within the queer community are so few and far between; especially in this era of dating / hookup apps. It’s honestly so disheartening to get that thirteenth random dick pic on Grindr from some closeted guy with a blank profile.
I have digressed quite a bit but basically the long story short is that I’ve recently been involved with yet another emotionally unavailable guy and it’s left me feeling frustrated and sad. I’m not blaming him though, not really. I do appreciate and understand the circumstance surrounding why he’s currently emotionally unavailable but it is still non-the-less discouraging.
-sigh-

Don’t worry, I am fully aware that this all sounds rather rant-y, but you know what?
Maybe it kind of is.
Hey, I’m allowed a good rant once in a while.

At the end of the day though the most empowering thing is that I know myself. It’s taken a lot of introspection and years of therapy but I learned through these experiences that I’m a whole and successful human in or outside of a relationship. This post really was just to get some of that frustration out so that it’s not occupying so much space in my brain.

Anyway check back in the beginning of November for another instalment of “That Queer Canadian” where I’ll be talking about the differences I’ve found within the education systems (maybe even a YouTube video to go with it).