Growing Pains

I can’t be the only one that feels like, since the pandemic, life has only gotten exponentially more unpredictable.
I moved back to my hometown in September 2019 with the complete intention of writing my master’s thesis and then moving on; however, the pandemic obviously forced me to reconsider.
I’ve always had a complicated relationship with where I grew up. I used to see Vancouver Island simply as an isolated sleepy little backwater Canadian tourist trap with few career prospects outside of education, trades or government. However, I’d be lying if I said COVID hasn’t changed that… sort of.

What I found out over the last three years living back at home was that life continues to happen to you whether you want it to or not. Friendships still get made, adventures are planned, family arguments happen… Life predictably chugs ever-onward.

I think what lies at the root of this conversation is that I am fundamentally unsure of where I want my life to take me or what I want it to look like. I’ve so far been a “wherever the winds want to blow me” type of person and so finding myself having established some roots in my hometown is both comforting and terrifying. Historically, I’ve relied on higher education to provide the semblance of structure and meaning in my life and decisions were always made around the pursuit of a degree. Now, the fact that I’m currently making major decisions without that foundation to rely on is rather scary in its intrinsic uncertainty.

All of this to say I am currently sitting in the YYJ departure terminal waiting for the flight that will take me back to Cardiff and I would be lying if I were to say I wasn’t going to miss the island and everyone I know on it.

I made the decision to move back to Wales because I felt my life needed a kickstart in some way. Island life slows you down and I felt drowned by the feeling that I was missing out on personal or professional advancements because I was just so cozy and comfy with my life as it was.
I entered 2023 with the mantra of wanting to take back the agency that COVID seemed to have robbed from me. To begin making more decisions which would hopefully set me up for long-term success. To try and establish a life that I can call my own, one that’s on a more equal footing and doesn’t solely rely on the good graces of my friends or family.

It feels to me now though that I’ve entered uncharted waters. There’s no longer a map if there was ever one at all, and I just have to keep going and see how things play out.

An anecdote which I’ve often relied on is I think is quite pertinent here. One of my favourite creatives/Youtubers ever is Jenna Marbles and in one of her more down-to-earth videos she gives the following advice: “If you have the chance to move somewhere, take it. If, after however long you decide you don’t like where you’ve moved you can always move back.”
I reflect on this a lot to simply remind myself that effectively no decision is irreversible. So, if I end up not liking a decision I’ve made, I can always decide differently later on.